Where in the world is Karissa San Diego??!!
Ha. I feel like this is the most common question asked Jason and I, followed not too distantly by "Are you two ALIVE?", which is running right next to "I thought you were in Spain?"
So, in a little FAQ of my own: We have just landed in Las Vegas, NV! We are totally alive and completely well, psyched about rock climbing and the continuation of the trip, and we are not quite in Spain.... but as of February 29th, we will be!
I have some catching up to do regarding our last few weeks! It's actually taken me some time to figure out what and how to write this, not because it's of any real significance, but mostly because I was REALLY frustrated with the ending of our Hueco trip. Conveniently, I've written a small drama to describe the last days of our trip, to give you a general idea of what was going on.
First, to introduce the characters:
Good guys:
Myself, clearly. Picture a really pink person wearing all purple with huge forearms! (I'm constantly sunburned, despite SPF 45 sunblock, I was gifted a million purple items for Christmas, and... well... it's my story, so just go with it. Huge forearms it is.)
Marshall-Machine. Imagine this character as a really hilarious guy, with excellent abs, who is a rock crushing machine. Literally, rock turning to dust between his fingers. Like a cross between Arnold and Vin Diesel. Again, it's my story. Just go with it. :)
Chief Heerema. A wise Native American man, Cheif Heerema has fought many ninjas and won. He is the guru of ninja fighting.
Bad guys:
Extremely Difficult Rock Climb. A short, stumpy, but furiously difficult to defeat little rock ninja. This guy looks easy to decipher, but will fool you 9 times out of 10. Or, in my case, more like 100 times out of 100. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Evil Ego. Said ego belongs to your wonderous heroine. More of a vicious enemy than one might believe, it turns out Evil Ego is like 7 feet tall and weighs 350 pounds. The linebacker of my brain.
Our drama commences in a little wilderness area you might have heard of called Hueco. This area is beautiful! In the wilds of Texas, it's populated by an endangered form of pig, and the parking lots are crowded with men in spandex and taco trucks.
And so, our story commences.
I, of course, have been running the rocks like a serious gangster, putting those huge forearms to work. Along with Marshall-Machine, I've been turning the rocks of Hueco into a pile of desert dust. Cruising around the tiny little piles left in my wake, I run across a short and stumpy ninja-like rock. While I'm sizing up the competition, so to speak, Evil Ego sidles up next to me from around the corner. Evil Ego LOVES drama. Even more than drama, Evil Ego loves to instigate, and after instigating, she loves to be on the sidelines, talking crap. In her little incessant voice, Evil Ego starts goading me, trying to get me to start a fight with Extremely Difficult Rock Climb, the little stumpy ninja.
"Look at how small and tiny he is! You could totally take him. Probably wouldn't even take you very long," Evil Ego pipes up.
"I'm not really sure I'm looking for that kind of fight. He looks tough. Looks like he's run off a few challengers, and I've never beaten a ninja before," I respond.
At that moment, challengers arrive, poke at Extremely Difficult Rock Climb, fail miserably in their attempt at conquest, and leave. Only one man succeeds in besting this small and stumpy ninja. This man is a BAMF in his own right, as proven by his last name, Heerema. Cheif Heerema, being an extremely wise and positive leader, chimes in, "You can do it, Karissa! I can attest, he's short. It's practically already a done deal for you." A cord of multiple colors is woven into his hair, and a small but regal feather flutters at it's end. With one hand he absentmindedly brushes it back behind his neck.
With Evil Ego in one ear and Cheif Heerema in the other, I saddle up to Extremely Difficult Rock Climb. "You wanna play rough?" I ask-- and clearly, the answer is yes. A battle between myself and Extremely Difficult Rock Climb ensues. "PASSAT!" "Kee-ya!" "PAH!" Without going into too much detail, suffice to say that I cannot best the short and stumpy ninja. Cheif Heerema watches to one side during the fight, yelling out encouragement. Evil Ego stands to the other, at times providing positive insights, at times sending out reasons I will lose. After several sustained bouts, I finally succumb to defeat.
"Maybe not today, Extremely Difficult Rock Climb... but I'll get you. I've got you in my sights now!" I retort, and huff off, Cheif Heerema, Evil Ego, and Marshall-Machine in tow.
Back at camp after such a brutal beating, I debate going back for round two. Evil Ego, having started the fight, now does her best to keep me intact, telling me "He's really strong! Maybe you shouldn't go back." I, not being very smart, really, retort," He's not that big! I'm strong too! Have you seen the size of these forearms? I can take him." And with that, having made up my mind, I head to bed to rest for the next day.
Sadly, however, the next days pass much the same as the first. I do well against challengers who have not yet made it to ninja level, but every time I battle Extremely Difficult Rock climb, I lose just the same. However, I stubbornly refuse to give up. Each day I learn something new about Extremely Difficult Rock Climb's battle techniques, with the help of Cheif Heerema. He is precise in his beta: "Karissa, do not grab there. Grab there, with your finger here, exactly. Just so." Each day I tell myself I CAN succeed, building up my confidence levels. Surprisingly, with each piece of positive self-talk, Evil Ego grows in size as well. She is now well over 8 feet, and getting bigger. Wrapped up in my own world, I don't even notice.
Eventually, the final days of the trip to Hueco arrive. I have very few days of battle remaining. I stomp around the few rocks which remain intact in Hueco, but my heart isn't in the game. All I can think about is Extremely Difficult Rock Climb. Finally, the last day arrives. Along with Marshall-Machine, I head up in the direction of my nemesis, stopping along the way so that Marshall-Machine can battle his very own ninja.
Marshall-Machine warms up, limbering up his rippling abs and arms. Round One against the ninja! Marshall-Machine is defeated. He steps back, takes a breath, eats a banana, and heads back in for Round Two. He fights! He yells! He is defeated. "I'm going to rest for a short while. I'll watch you whip this Extremely Difficult Rock Climb, and afterwards, I'll come back and be all inspired and I'll get this guy," he tells me. I agree.
We move quickly up to where we know we'll find Extremely Difficult Rock Climb, and sure enough, there the stumpy guy is. Same as always. I, along with Evil Ego and Marshall-Machine get ready for the fight. I am confident, and upon entering the fight, make mistakes. But I don't give up! I fight! 5 rounds go by, and still I am defeated against this short and stumpy ninja. I begin to feel terrible. Evil Ego is looking a little sick. So we take another breather, head back to the ninja Marshall-Machine is destined to defeat, and watch some serious ass-kicking.
Marshall-Machine takes off his shirt. He takes off his shoes. And BAREFOOT, with a mighty roar, he defeats the beast in Round Two!
Elated, I rush back to Extremely Difficult Rock Climb and fight again!!! (Is this starting to sound redundant? I told you I wasn't very smart.) I am defeated yet again, and filled with wrath, turn blindly to another nearby almost-ninja rock and begin to unleash my anger. I throw myself at this smaller, weaker version of Extremely Difficult Rock Climb, in a fury, repeatedly, over and over and over... and at the end of the day, I must admit defeat. Turning to my right, I spy Evil Ego, lying on the ground, covered in dust, bruised and broken.
"What.... have.... you done... to me....?" Evil Ego gasps.
"But," I answer, "Why are you injured? What has happened to you?"
"While you were taking a beating, so was I......." Evil Ego can barely get the last words out of her mouth. "I........am.......... your evil............ twin..........."
And so I must accept two defeats that day.... both the defeat in the fight against Extremely Difficult Rock Climb, and the defeat of knowing that Evil Ego was part of me, that Evil Ego was in fact my Ego.
Dah-dah-dah-Dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........................
And the curtain falls.
OK seriously. Yes, I did just take like an entire HOUR to write out that RIDICULOUS section of blog that YOU just took the time to read! But anyway, I have to make fun of myself, because otherwise I'm an a-hole. I put a lot of time and effort into a really hard rock climb, and in the end, I had to accept defeat and failure. I was surprised by how frustrated and angry it made me. When we climb, part of the journey and the attempt is mental. If you don't honestly believe in your own ability, to do a climb or grab a hold or make a move, your subconscious will hold you back. You can never succeed if you don't believe you can. So I'd spent a lot of energy convincing myself that I could and would do this rock climb, and I was emotional when I didn't.
I know.
Being emotional over a rock climb is STUPID. They don't matter! But I felt it anyway.
So. While the ending of the trip to Hueco was not as successful in terms of number or climb as I had hoped it would be, it was extremely educational for me. I'm fighting to keep this ego in check. :) And to understand that my failure was not necessarily about ability, but about setting attainable goals.
Blah. Enough of that boring stuff. Want to watch an excellent video made by Leslie Timms of Can-Am Flight 5.14? It's a video of Hueco. I dance in it. It's awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=HVZmTarcqS0
And, some spray buddy space, since they won't really talk about it: Kyle, Leslie and Jason killed it. Jason did two V9s, Leslie did a V10, and Kyle, recovering from an injury, killed the V6 and V7 grades, despite shoulder pain. My friends are badasses.
After the end of Hueco, we drove to Albuquerque, and then I flew to Portland and spent a week at my grandmother's house. It was awesome. I didn't have any internet, so you had to wait longer for this blog-piece! Then I flew back to Albuquerque, watched a play that Miranda and Renee (Jason's sister and step-mother) acted in (my inspiration for that ridiculousness above), and then we drove to Flagstaff. We stayed with Rayne Zaughsome (who is as awesome, perhaps even awesomer, than his name implies), and today arrived in Vegas! We're staying with a friend named John, and will be meeting up with Chief Heerema and his super-awesome wife for more rock crushing today.
And then, eventually, I'll write another silly blog.
Did you really make it to the end of this one? Kudos. :) And Happy Valentine's Day!
As a professor and teacher of Drama both old and new, I can say only this: that was just goddamned excellent. It follows an arc that evokes the iconic Medieval play Everyman, using allegorical figures based on Freudian psychology instead of Catholic dogma. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteAlex
Karissa, I love your story. Super entertaining. I wish more blogs were this interestingly written.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if this is the time or place for my thoughts on this discussion but I want to share. I've shared many of my thoughts with you already so I may be partially repeating myself. Also, these are just my opinions and as such they have no value to them. I'm not the most experienced or best boulderer out there but I am very observant and I have a lot of advice to give and, like any advice, you can take it or leave it.
First, you are an extremely talented boulderer. Leanna and I have climbed with many strong climbers over the years and we, like many others, can see natural talent and ability. We both agree that, as good a sport climber you are, you could be even better as a boulderer. Watching you boulder we're constantly amazed with the moves you can stick and the ease that you stick them with. You're natural, plain and simple.
As far as your Evil Ego goes, you should understand a few things. Every person that dedicates their self to climbing is doing it for a personal, self-centered, ego feeding purpose. Don't try and deny it, just try to accept it and move past it. Doing a rock climb is not making the world a better place or "giving back" in any way. It's all about yourself, and making yourself feel good. There's nothing naturally wrong with that, but since it's such a selfish pursuit you're often faced with personal qualities - ego, emotion, desire, passion, anger, accomplishment, etc.
It's a constant battle against yourself, in many different ways.
You should not be frustrated with your efforts. I know it's easier for me to say than it is for you to believe. You could have done Extremely Difficult Rock Climb. It is within your ability. It didn't happen this trip and that's too bad. What you should realize is that there are more Extremely Difficult Rock Climbs out there that you can battle. You had a battle with one - you and it exchanged punches. Sometimes you were winning and sometimes you were losing. The fact is, you are capable, strong enough, and motivated enough to enter into such a battle. Extremely Difficult Rock Climb could have defeated you right away, like many others may do to you and like it has done to many others. You were strong enough to keep battling until barely just loosing in the end.
Climbing at one's limit is a very difficult thing to do. Many people climb below their limit and have a difficult time engaging themselves to their full potential. Taking on a project at your limit will take a lot of effort and time. For most people it will consuming hours of dedicated specific training and concentration just for the one boulder or the single move. I needed 5 sessions to complete my first V12. I've taken more than 9 sessions and still have not succeeded on others. These are problems that were/are at my limit and as such I encounter a lot of failure / disappointment along the way. Some climbers avoid this failure / disappointment by not undertaking large difficult projects. They would rather have less rewarding success on easier climbs, but with more quantity. Both may be fine, and during your Hueco Trip you got experience a bit of both.
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ReplyDeleteI think that you had an extremely successful trip to Hueco in my eyes. I feel that NONE of your time spent working Extremely Difficult Rock Climb was wasted and because of this you actually had a LOT of success. I felt that every attempt spent battling was making you a stronger fighter.
I think that of all the problems that I saw you attempt, the only one that was NOT below your limit was Extremely Difficult Rock Climb. You need to have more confidence in your bouldering. You need to get a bit more "cocky" or something.
You talk about setting more attainable goals. I think that if all of your bouldering goals are attainable you certainly are not setting the right goals. Bouldering involves a tonne of failure.
Being emotional about a rock climb is NOT stupid. They matter a lot. They are my passion in life and because of this I AM emotional about it. Each rock climb is a huge personal challenge mentally and physically and needs huge personal investment. They are just as much emotional as they are physical.
You've said "If you don't honestly believe in your own ability, to do a climb or grab a hold or make a move, your subconscious will hold you back. You can never succeed if you don't believe you can." This is the truth of rock climbing. If you understand this Karissa you can be an amazing rock climber. The trick is to also believe in things that you can't do - then you can do it all!
Little Dunbar. You are a beast. FACT. I enjoyed your story too. Come to Josh and have some adventures with us.
ReplyDeleteHUGS from Canada.